You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize