everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize