it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize