i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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