We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
