She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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