the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
