This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
