So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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