mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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