So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
