Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
