she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
