You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
