plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
