you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Randomize
