I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
