You smell like stripper and shame
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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