omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
