Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
false alarm, still single
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
