I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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