Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
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