i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
