Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
