i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize