Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
