How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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