I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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