OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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