can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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