If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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