no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
