so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
