So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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