Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Houston, we have a blender
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize