I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
