That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
