im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
so much tequila, so little girl.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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