So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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