Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
