I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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