I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
