WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
