I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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