I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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