After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
