Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Couch. On fire.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
