Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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