im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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