Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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