It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
