Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
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