I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
