oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
