Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
