If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
