i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
