We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
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