I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
