where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
