He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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