You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Randomize
