i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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