I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
