I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
