Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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