When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
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