help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
