wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
