What did we do last night that was yellow?
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
