the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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