non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
