Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
