you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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