I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
This toilet bowl is my home.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
