she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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