Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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